It’s a fact. Girls hate other girls. We hate girls who are more confident than us. We hate girls who threaten us. We hate girls who don’t give a fuck about us. We hate girls we don’t understand. It’s basic human instinct to be suspicious of things that are foreign to us, things that we don’t quite comprehend. It’s self-preservation at its least necessary. But our lack of empathy for our own kind can be boiled down to our lack of acceptance of ourselves.
But instead of acknowledging our own personal issues, we create pseudo-feminism. We preach ‘keeping it real’ while getting self-gratification from pointing out which of our friends photoshop their asses on Instagram because it’s easier to look at a screen than in a mirror. We call out ‘loyalty’ when our friends date our exes; despite there being future happiness for the two of them, despite knowing full well that things didn’t work out with us either way. We claim ‘class’ as we trash talk the girl who wears too short of skirts or dated one too many boys because it’s easier to criticize someone else’s way of life than to admit that we are not all that happy with our own. We make ‘women supporting other women’ into our brand; denouncing all haters and shade throwers while having no qualms about throwing the shade right back whenever it suits us because it’s not really about anti-hate, it’s about anti-anyone-who-notices-my-weaknesses.
The digital age has evolved it into more of a cultural trend than a true understanding of the concept–‘style before substance’, as they say. We pick and choose little slices of information that will fit into whatever ideology we’re trying to defend. It’s 2017 and fat shaming is no longer socially acceptable, but thin shaming grows ever more rampant. It’s 2017 and we know racial inequality is bad, we know sexual inequality is bad, but somehow words like ‘slut’ are still in our dictionary. It’s 2017 and anti-bullying is now a thing, but the ones who preach it the most are not necessarily the kindest or most considerate, no–they’re the ones who are smart enough to only pick on people who don’t fight back.
We’ve foregone growth and self-discovery, instead choosing to focus on the growth of our online presence because it’s easier to get validation from retweets than from our own selves. Of course, I speak not of all girls but of most. I say all this not as an enemy of my gender but an active member. Of all the woman haters out there, I am probably one of the most obnoxious. I know this because woman hating essentially comes from a place of self-hate. I hate myself, therefore, I hate you. You recognize in others the shortcomings you recognize in yourself but have yet to come to terms with. Dealing with one’s own insecurities and prejudices is a complicated journey on its own but becomes ever more so when self-doubt and ignorance can be so easily spun into prose of 140 characters or less.
We are nowhere near as evolved as we pretend to be. We pat ourselves on the back for our political correctness long before we even understand what we’re saying. The first step to any kind of change is always awareness, of course. But this denial and pseudo-awareness present in our gender are only serving to make it easier for us to fake it instead of mean it. No real progress will ever be made until we face this issue head on.
First, acceptance. Yes, I hate other girls. Yes, I am insecure. Yes, I haven’t quite learned how to love myself yet. Yes, it’s infinite times easier for me to turn that hate outwards rather than inwards. Yes, no one will ever be gentle with me if I am not gentle with myself. Yes, I have a lot of work to do and yes, I still do not feel like my best self yet. But yes, I will own it and yes, I will be my own best friend and yes, I will be my own worst critic too.
Because yes, I am flawed and yes, I am unsure and yes, we are all flawed and unsure so yes, we have to be kind to each other because yes, we are in this together and yes, we need each other.
It’s about time we start truly supporting each other, don’t you think?