Adventura, Poetry
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Run

QUESTION:

If you could run back to the past and find yourself, what are some things you’d like you to know?

ANSWER:

Balance is necessary

A degree is not a substitute for purpose

Pills are almost always fun

Pills will never give meaning to an empty life

Laziness is not why you’re always sleeping in and missing class

You are lazy but you are also trying to escape

Your daddy issues are alive and well

You will search frantically for your father in every man you date

The sooner you figure that out, the better

The sooner you figure that out, the less hearts you’ll leave broken and confused on your doorstep

Your mother loves you deeply

Sometimes she doesn’t quite understand you, but she always loves you

You will try to be everything she isn’t and you’ll call it something pretty, like ‘self discovery’, not realizing for a long time how much of yourself you’re losing in the process

You will run from every reminder of home and call it ‘growth’

You will flip that around whenever it is to your liking

You will cling to any excuse, avoid any challenge, spin round any amount of pointless circles, that you can pass off as ‘roots’ or ‘grounding’

You will disappoint many people with the lack of depth you convinced them was there

You will find progressively more toxic ways to convince yourself it’s there

You will look in all the wrong places until you won’t

You will root yourself back to your family

You will discover yourself in tiny bits and sometimes huge chunks

You will learn from every mistake, every escape, and every spin round the same circle

You will grow into who you’re meant to be and not necessarily who you want to be

You will find yourself in the ever-changing balance of where you came from and all the places you were always too scared to go

You will never stop being scared

You will keep moving anyway

You will stop running away.

This entry was posted in: Adventura, Poetry

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Hi, I’m Emily and I like to think of myself as a kaleidoscope, but one that ranges from a spectrum of commitment issues to emotional hoarding, all circling around varying shades of anxiety. People say I have trouble ‘staying present’ and I’ve found that daydreaming becomes significantly less acceptable in your 20’s.

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